While at a startup event hosted at the offices of Tokbox, I was talking to a bunch of entrepreneurs and noticed a bit of a pattern to the initial part of the conversation, which leads me to wonder whether within social groups, if there is always a set of routine, customary questions to begin with. People at the event typically would ask:

1. Where do you work?
2. What’s the pitch?
3. How many employees?

This series of questions would replace the set from college:

1. Where are you from?
2. What dorm are you living in?
3. What do you study?

These questions all probably represent the lowest common denominator of identity. They also represent the desire to find common ground between people. I believe people innately want to bond which makes them feel like they are benefiting from taking an interest in you and helping you out. I’m a big believer that people will want to do what they can to help you achieve your dream (see The Alchemist). That’s why I’m stunned when people refuse to talk openly about what they are working on or want to accomplish. It’d be like any person flatly refusing to talk about themselves in any basic manner.

In the startup world, this refusal comes in the form of the “stealth startup.” The founder of such a startup says he or she is working at a stealth startup and refuses to answer any further questions. All the sudden, the conversation feels one sided and almost antagonistic. You can’t help someone with something you don’t know about. After the “stealth bomb” is dropped, it no longer feels like you are both working together towards a common end so you almost don’t even want to talk to them anymore.

So if you want people to take an interest in you and help, then share with them. Don’t go stealth. If you do, you may get less attention than you want.