Looking at the new year ahead, people naturally think about what they’d wish to do better — the pitfalls they’d like to avoid from previous years.  When it comes to personal and business relationships, people inevitably have had times they feel like they’d been wronged by others.  As a result, they may think they were wrong to trust that other person to begin with or wrong for extending that trust after any initial small misgivings.  So, they may change their open attitude towards new relationships and resolve not to make the same mistake in a future similar circumstance.  

I think that would be unfortunate.  You can be wronged and not be wrong about things.  It’s easy to focus on where things went bad and see that as all the evidence needed to support your future mistrust of people, but I think it’ll cost you a lot.  

People psychologically suffer from “the focusing illusion,” which means people tend to see the benefits of a decision but not the hidden costs.  Illustrating this problem, The Parable of the Broken Window explains how people tend to see breaking a window as creating a job for the glass maker because that laborer’s gain is visible; however, the tailor who was going to sell his services to the window-owner will now suffer because the window has to be replaced.  Most people won’t think about that loss in the community.

In the case of human relationships, deciding to distrust people after being wronged could come at the cost of successful relationships.  You won’t be hurt again in the same way and you may feel like you made the right decision, but you simply aren’t able to notice all the lost opportunities.  

I came to this realization myself when I had felt so wronged by a person that I had begun to second guess myself about my view towards trust.  Before the incident, I had assumed the best about people.  After the incident, I wondered whether I should have kept working with that person long after teammates brought initial misgivings.  To be fair, people tend to have minor issues with each others no matter how strong the relationship — especially when you spend a lot of time together.  So, it’s hard to know when is the right time to stop trusting people until something goes spectacularly wrong.  To avoid such spectacular breakdowns in relationships, I could just assume the worst about everyone and shield myself accordingly. 

But, what struck me at the time was how remarkable the other people on my team were — some of whom were added a while after the troublemaker.  All these folks worked together cohesively, honestly, and successfully.  I believe that was a direct result of the culture of trust we built by assuming the best about people. 

I resolve to maintain that attitude this year and beyond.  I want to keep meeting and getting to know great people, and part of that is simply trusting people.